Play Something We Can Dance To
“What’ve you got?” they’ll bark as they lean around your booth (who needs personal space btw) and angrily demand that you reel off every track on your laptop’s hard drive.
“What do you mean you don’t have Mariah Carey?”
“Play something good, play something we can dance to or me and all my friends will leave!” face like thunder, no fucks given.
A scowl that says: it’s my night and I’ll be a vulgar monster if I want to be. Everyone must bend to my whim and heaven forbid, or more like ‘mark my words’ (I feel like people who demand tracks from DJs use this phrase a lot) anyone who stops me demanding a slow ballad in a busy bar at 11:30pm.
If the above description fills you with dread, or you’re sitting down, nodding knowingly as you read this, then chances are, you’re a DJ that’s had to navigate the perils of DJing in a busy bar.
This article is for you. Lean back in your chair, put your feet up and enjoy wallowing in the shared, miserable experiences of bar DJing.
Before I go any further in this article I’d like to point out that unlike a lot of my other writing there isn’t much of an argument or point I’m making here. This is just a cathartic moan, I know they’ll be others out there that’ll enjoy reading this.
If you’re one of them, welcome. If you think I need to get over myself and stop crying, that’s cool too, you can stop reading here.
What makes people so entitled that they think it’s their god-given right to hear exactly what they want, when they want, in a bar? It’s a question that’s always fascinated me. If a group of people walks into a bar and there’s music playing from an iPod behind the bar no one cares.
No one asks the bar staff to put some music on, it’s just generally accepted that whatever’s playing in the bar’s playlist. Now stick a DJ in that bar and watch shit kick-off.
“It’s ( insert name here: Tracy’s / Deano’s / Big John’s) birthday, do you have a mic for a shout-out?”
Why is this the case? I’m going to put out a few suggestions. All of which I think are around 50% accurate and, I think, the real answer is a combination of everything I mention.
Modern society has conditioned people for instant gratification
This is my first point and for fuck sake does it make me sound like a bit of a pretentious knobhead, but hey, go hard or go home right? “Going hard” is the mantra of that sales team that keeps harassing you for the soundtrack from Wolf of Wall Street so if it’s perfectly acceptable for me to go for the jugular here.
Oh and by the way, I don’t have an .MP3 rip of Matthew McConaughey, coked off his tits and thumping his chest that you and all your recruitment chums can chant along too.
But I’ve got a little off track. The point I want to make is that people, generally speaking, can get what they want, when they want. With an Amazon Prime account, you can get most things delivered to your door in 24 hours. You have endless music at your fingertips with Spotify, all for a flat fee. You don’t even need to really own what you consume.
Heck, the thing is, somebody could, for example, find an AUX cable in this imaginary bar we’re now DJ’ing in, slap on Youtube, and hey presto! You’ve got Matthew McConaughey hammering his sternum in unison with 20 blazer clad, tight jean sporting, human bollocks.
In the 21st century, everything is accessible at the touch of a button so people want instant gratification from the media and technology they consume.
This goes a lot further than just a person’s demand for music though. Somebody’s entire night must be just so, their overarching experience needs to be tailored to themselves. Whether that’s the places they go, who they’re seen with, and what pictures they get.
Everyone has to be the V.I.P in their own imaginary reality show. This is their night out and how dare that fucking DJ refuse me the chance of getting a selfie on the dance floor to my favourite tune (or choooon, you decide).
The art of curating an atmosphere is lost on a lot of people
Fam, I’m really not helping myself with these subheadings here, am I?
The art of curating an atmosphere” is the type of sentence you’d likely hear out of the mouth of someone who likes the smell of their own farts*.
The tone of this article is deep into m’lady territory here. So, just for good measure, I’m going to put a picture of a fedora guy below. Hopefully, the sheer amount of self-depreciation in this paragraph will avoid me being labeled as pretentious. Here’s to hoping.
As pretentious as the title of this section is, there’s really no better way of putting it. Bar DJs are hired to help curate and reinforce the atmosphere of a bar. Whether that’s Vodka Revs, Soup Kitchen or The Refuge.
Your music is supposed to enhance a person’s experience of a venue by matching your soundtrack to the setting. A good bar DJ should work with the eb and flow of customers to help create an inviting and excited atmosphere when a bar is quieter, inviting people in; and raising the roof when the gaffs at capacity, making people stay and giving them a memorable night (all good marketing for the venue right).
Extra note:
It’s also a DJs job to politely and subtly tell people (not directly btw, via their music) that a venue might not be for them. If you’re planning a raucous night out and head into a bar playing smooth jazz you’re not going to stay and the DJ’s done his job.
What a DJ plays and how they do this is up to them and their music should be in line with the type of venue the bar is. If you’re playing in the Printworks, or heaven forbid, somewhere like Fifth Avenue (R.I.P) then it’s cheesy bangers and top 40’s galore. If you’re getting asked for tunes like Rihanna in these venues and you don’t have any then that’s on you.
Matching your music to your venue is what you’re paid for and most people get that. That’s why they go to the venue after all. But for the 9 people who are enjoying your music, there’s always one and I mean ALWAYS ONE who will, no matter how much fun they’re having, want something else.
And it’ll always be something completely unreasonable. Oh you’re playing groovy Chicago classics in a Northern Quarter bar, well here’s comes a flat cap-wearing, Poundland Peaky Blinder’s extra to demand some Oasis.
Are you throwing down a cheesy pop set in the Printworks that’s getting everyone moving? Then you best believe that bloke hovering around your booth wants some UK Drill music.
There’s nothing wrong with any of these requests in the right setting but can’t people appreciate how the brief joy they might feel if someone plays their request could kill the mood for pretty much everyone else at a bar or dance floor.
Every DJ’s been there:
“This music is great, me and my friends are having a great time… but could you just put on [Some grossly inappropriate song]”
Honestly, being stood face-to-face with someone who asks this is baffling. It’s really difficult to form a cohesive and easy-to-digest reason why they can’t have their song. Obviously, the reason is that their request would be a complete mood killer or cause people to leave the bar but communicating that simply can be really difficult.
Just nod, smile, and say yeah, I’ll stick it on in a few.
It’s not the perfect solution but will provide you with a bit of respite. With any luck, the person asking for a song will leave or forget. If not you’ve got a crisis on your hands.
Why can’t people just enjoy what you’re playing? Provided you’re not playing death metal in Deansgate locks would it really improve someone’s night if they heard their one song?
Side note: Does someone ask for the same song in every bar they go into or do they stop once they’ve heard it in one?
*FYI i love the smell of my own farts
People generally don’t care to experience new music
People like what they like. That’s fair enough really. Most people don’t head out to a bar to hear the latest bangers or get a lesson in some of the old classics. And, to be fair, it’s not the job of a bar DJ to teach their crowd.
We’re not playing Berghain here, this isn’t an afternoon slot on the Dekmantel selectors stage. You’re playing at a bar in central Manchester. Curating a welcoming atmosphere is the name of the game.
But still, you should be able to draw on your in-depth musical knowledge to help you achieve that goal. If that means slipping some lesser-known weapon or coveted b-sides into your set then so be it. It’s likely you’ll get no complaints, if anything the 45-year-old house anorak in the corner will give you a slight nod of approval, he might even come over to tell you he’s got your track too, but the original pressing on purple vinyl.
Balearic dads unite!
But the point I’m trying to get to here is that some people won’t be able to hack that. If they don’t know every track you’re playing they’re going to let you know about it. Even if you sprinkle your set with a lot of classic, club bangers and general party tunes that’ll get the place moving they won’t be happy unless they know the songs.
Some people have a real mental block to listening to new music, they can’t fathom it. Or why would you play something they don’t know. No thanks, don’t like it, play some Manchester music.
It can be really demoralising when someone tootles up to the booth, gives you the old:
“This music sounds great but can you just play something we know”. I’ve been there a few times, once I even asked the person how much net joy would they really gain from hearing that one song they want. They were dumbfounded by the question. Next time you get asked this question and respond the same way, I’d love to hear their answer.
Are you so closed off from experiencing anything new that you can’t just enjoy a piece of music you don’t know? Just open your ears and mind, even you a fraction, who knows, you might enjoy what you hear.
The DJ doesn’t play to a bar crowd
Sometimes we gotta hold our hands up and admit we’re partially to blame. Gui Boratto The Drill isn’t appropriate for 8:30pm in a swanky bar Liam. Jeff Mills The Bells isn’t appropriate. People aren’t here to go on a journey with you, they want a few beers with their friends.
It can be easy to forget where you’re at when you’re DJing a bar, especially if it gets a bit busy and you’ve had a few drinks. But if you’re getting a few too many requests and certainly if the bar management comes over you need to change it up. Know your role, give people the atmosphere they want so they can have a good time.
I’ve been guilty of this before, especially if it’s your first time DJing, you’re a bit newer to DJing and think every bar slot is going to be tops off mental. Back when I was 24 I was playing some grossly inappropriate things during bar sets, heavy tech-house, and techno. I can’t blame people for asking for some different music then.
I think knowing what you should be doing in a bar takes time and you’ve certainly gotta get over the hubris that comes with being new to DJing. Once you master the art of DJing in a bar (There’s a whole other pretentious article for me to chat shit in) you can rest easy in the knowledge that all requests that come your way are from soppy choppers.
Will horrid DJ requests ever stop?
Sadly no, they’ll always be people out there that want something else. No matter how much the bar you’re playing at is pumping, somebody somewhere is asking for Adele. I hope this article has let long-suffering bar DJs know they’re not alone.
Bar DJing can be a minefield, always remember, you can stick on an Abba megamix and dive out the back if it gets too much.
